I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize