I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
