woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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