Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
