I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
