I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
