one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
