That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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