I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
