no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
