i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you never un-have a 4some
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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