then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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