That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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