what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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