Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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