It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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