Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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