Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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