I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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