ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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