These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
