I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
