Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
