I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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