Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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