I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
