i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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