Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
