This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
