i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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