I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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