thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
