I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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