Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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