i would punch a child for taco bell
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
