Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
