Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
