Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
