I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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