i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
