If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
