Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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