It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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