I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize