I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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