Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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