My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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