My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
