What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
