Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
