fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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