I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
