everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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