the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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