I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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