Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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