Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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