I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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