I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When are your genitals available?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
