Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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