i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
